Candle Murmur

Inspired by my new found realization of meditative possibilities, I venture with different techniques. A friend once remarked, keep it simple, you don’t need to make meditation complicated by using external stimulus. I agree and I hope to reach that state someday. However, as I try to learn it and during my formative period I know I need some support. I need something I can keep my mind focused at, I may be on the wrong path but it’s a meditative journey and I have just begun. I want to try many different permutations that arise from myself and then research, reach out to other people in the same journey and to gurus and this should give me enough arsenals to discover something. 

The room is dark; I sit crossed leg, at the edge of my bed. I place a candle at a distance and transfix myself at the bright red flame. I feel calm and relaxed. I don’t have too many thoughts. A few moments later, I quietly remark that this is definitely effective and almost instantly think how this could be affecting my eye sight? Do I blink as normal or try and focus as much as I can and then control my blinking? The flurries of questions and thoughts begin and I struggle to contain. In vain I let it go and let it flow and in doing so stumble upon an insight – awareness. I was aware of my thoughts; I could feel its origin and its end and all the shapes and forms it took in between. Like a bubble it will start small and then raise above, form a dome and puff it would vanish. I just let it flow and somehow this did not bother me as much as when I was trying to contain it. 

The candle now begins to flutter and the landscape of the room transforms. I still try to stay affixed but now my eyes can no longer stare still. I remark that this surely is no good for my eyes and close it but not for long, I am too curious to find out what the candle is up to. I open it gently only to find it dancing to a beat I cannot understand. I give it sometime but the candle seems to have found a rhythm of its own and conclude that I can no longer continue at the moment. I leap forward; blow it out and then swing back to pray. Awareness, birth and death of thoughts, maybe I have something here to explore…