Om Mane Padme Om

Sunday morning and I woke up feeling rather fresh. I had a fantastic collection of Buddhist melody somewhere in my apartment; I knew I wanted to meditate with that sound in the background. After going through piles of disks, I finally unearth the hidden gem. Its raining, I open the balcony door and a gust of fresh air engulf my space. The slow rhythm of ‘Om mane pedme om’ fits perfectly to the dance of the gentle breeze. 

It is indeed a perfect setting to meditate. I sit down and close my eyes. I start counting my exhalation from one to four and repeat the count. Thoughts, now I thought I had it controlled but all hell broke loose after few minutes. The constant chain of thoughts started to form am irregular pattern in my mind and I had to open my eyes. It was interesting to note the calm environment and the setting and yet the unrest within me. I noticed a metal Buddha statue and brought that near me. I started to focus on it and meditate. This worked for a bit until I started to notice the various irregularities in the art. I wondered why there was a third eye or something that resembled a third eye on the Buiddha’s forehead, maybe this one was a fusion of Buddha and Lord Shiva (a Hindu God) but surely Buddha didn’t have such droopy eyes, it was supposed to be half open not half baked!!! Well this clearly didn’t work for me. 

I closed my eyes again. This time I went back to drawing on thoughts and bubbles. I followed a thought; I wrapped it in a small tiny bubble and as the thought progressed, so grew the bubble. At the end, I would scoop it and gently place it on the river bed. The bubble would float and so would the thought with it. Something seemed to be working and it did. I meditated for the longest time that I can remember staying still. I don’t think it was very long but I can attest that it was the longest stretch I have spent without letting my thoughts run wild in the open fields at one sitting. The song changed and I knew I had done my part for the day. I felt refreshed and light. I let a smile and started my day with a burst of energy..

Candle Murmur

Inspired by my new found realization of meditative possibilities, I venture with different techniques. A friend once remarked, keep it simple, you don’t need to make meditation complicated by using external stimulus. I agree and I hope to reach that state someday. However, as I try to learn it and during my formative period I know I need some support. I need something I can keep my mind focused at, I may be on the wrong path but it’s a meditative journey and I have just begun. I want to try many different permutations that arise from myself and then research, reach out to other people in the same journey and to gurus and this should give me enough arsenals to discover something. 

The room is dark; I sit crossed leg, at the edge of my bed. I place a candle at a distance and transfix myself at the bright red flame. I feel calm and relaxed. I don’t have too many thoughts. A few moments later, I quietly remark that this is definitely effective and almost instantly think how this could be affecting my eye sight? Do I blink as normal or try and focus as much as I can and then control my blinking? The flurries of questions and thoughts begin and I struggle to contain. In vain I let it go and let it flow and in doing so stumble upon an insight – awareness. I was aware of my thoughts; I could feel its origin and its end and all the shapes and forms it took in between. Like a bubble it will start small and then raise above, form a dome and puff it would vanish. I just let it flow and somehow this did not bother me as much as when I was trying to contain it. 

The candle now begins to flutter and the landscape of the room transforms. I still try to stay affixed but now my eyes can no longer stare still. I remark that this surely is no good for my eyes and close it but not for long, I am too curious to find out what the candle is up to. I open it gently only to find it dancing to a beat I cannot understand. I give it sometime but the candle seems to have found a rhythm of its own and conclude that I can no longer continue at the moment. I leap forward; blow it out and then swing back to pray. Awareness, birth and death of thoughts, maybe I have something here to explore…

Eyeing the fireball

No, I didn’t sit straight; I didn’t sit crossed leg, infact I didn’t even make an attempt to sit down at all. I went to my room well past my bed time, calculating the few hours of sleep I could muster. Involuntarily, I switched off the light and jumped into bed with my eyes closed and ready to pray. 

I noticed a prominent clear bright fiery circle in front of me as though it was a picture I was staring at. It was the reminiscence of the light from my room captured somewhere within my brain. I take this opportunity to focus on it and meditate. I know this bright ball will soon disintegrate but I wanted to follow it as long as it lasted.  It was as if I was in a balcony looking at a something majestic and I was conscious would not last long. Then rays of fire engulfed my dark visionary space and everything was alit, the ball started to diminish and I found myself trying hard to stay focused at the eye of it. I knew it wouldn’t last long and I know it didn’t. As a natural evolution, everything melted and what lay in front of me was a dark tunnel. I tried to continue to meditate, draw my silver lining om but that was impossible, my mind wanted to relish what It had just experienced. 

I had a very short session today, yet powerful and in this short time I was focused and my mind was still. Could it be possible that one could actually create such beauty through meditation without external stimuli? Could the mind be so powerful to let you wonder on such beauty? What if we could really create such illusion, such space, and such beauty to focus our mind, would that be a state of meditation? I don’t know but this few minutes of eyeing the fireball has left me with much curiosity and excitement to the limitless possibilities of imagination that I can look in front of me…

My first attempt... a struggle indeed..

I lie down on my bed and after my daily prayer, start to meditate lying down. I try to draw om in the dark space in front of me. It’s hard to get a clear image of the om. The trailing silver line in pitched dark fades and I try to retrace my path but after few attempts the art become laborious. Focus then switches to the breath through my nostrils with distant voices in the night. Unfortunately I live near a campus fraternity house and they are not particularly a quiet bunch. 

So many thoughts come pouring, one being what I will write tomorrow on the blog. I think about booking my airline tickets and preparing for a client meeting. Some past memories that pain me become vivid. I traverse through multiple thoughts, memories and emotions at the same time. It’s incredible how fast my focus is lost and I totally forget what I started to do or was trying to do. Involuntarily I lay on my side and then pretend to continue meditating, I try drawing om again, this time golden but it fades soon and I am left with one thought, tomorrow I shall try meditating on a sitting posture and doze off..

My first thoughts..

I feel the need for focus; I need the feel for pulse. 

Recently I have been getting this burgeoning urge to understand myself better, to look into myself deeper and view the world in relation to that. Meditation is a tool I want to use, to help me in this discovery, the most important discovery of my life. I have never formally done meditation, infact I have never even tried it seriously. I know of a few techniques a guru once taught me in Nepal but I never followed it through. I shall try and recall some and then build on it.  

Even before I take the first step in the journey ahead, I realize the need of great discipline which I intend to keep in check from this blogging. I hope to capture this amazing journey in writing and share it will others and learn from others.  

To all in search of their inner joy and peace... om